By Alison O'Brien
Rock Center
It happens in a lot of new relationships. Every day, you learn something new about each other. It happened with David and Kristen Finch.
“David was quirky,” Kristen said. “Always just very sweet and funny, [and] kind of nerdy, but in a cute nerdy way.”
“Very sexy nerd,” David interjected and, smiling, Kristen agreed.
The two met while attending high school in their small Illinois town and after years as friends, David and Kristen began dating. To Kristen, he was “super boyfriend” – a go with the flow guy who was the life of any social gathering.
“He was entertaining the whole room,” said Kristen, age 35. “And it got people laughing.”
But, when they married in 2003, the laughter stopped. Kristen was confused.
“I thought, what happened?” she said. “You know, it was almost like night and day after we got married.”
Once they were living together, David’s actions, once quirky to Kristen now seemed strange. They began to put a strain on their marriage. David, then in his twenties, was obsessed with daily rituals. He would take an hour to make his breakfast. He’d meticulously wash and cut grapes, make his oatmeal and tea. When it came to his eggs, he would line up the carton making it parallel to the countertop and carefully scramble his eggs to make sure the consistency was the same from one day to the next.
David, who was working as an engineer, had an outfit for each season. In the winter, he’d wear a sweatshirt with Eastern printed on it and track pants. In the summer, he’d wear a t-shirt and shorts that became so worn, they developed holes. Every day, he had to wear the same clothes because if he didn’t, David said he “would silently freak out.”
NBC News
David Finch staring at rooftops, one of the rituals that helps calm him.
“Tension would mount and I couldn't say anything. Pretty soon I'd start snapping at people,” he explained in an interview with Kate Snow airing Thursday, Sept. 27 at 10pm/9c on NBC's Rock Center with Brian Williams.
The rituals would continue until bedtime. Every night, David would stare out the window at his neighbors’ rooftops. He found the symmetry calming.
“I have a physiological response,” he said. “My shoulders relax. My head calms down and it's kind of nice.”
But it wasn’t so nice for Kristen. While she took care of the house and their two children, daughter Emily and son Parker, David was fixated on himself. When things didn’t go exactly as planned, he’d obsess endlessly. It happened one Thanksgiving when there was garlic in the mashed potatoes. According to David, garlic didn’t belong in the mashed potatoes at Thanksgiving dinner.
“I would sit there and I would complain about it,” David recounted. “And I'd bring it up constantly to Kristen. And then she would get on my case, because she would be very confused. She thinks I look like a baby and I think this is completely unfair, but I don't know how else to react. And so that would set me off.”
In recalling the incident, Kristen said, “I’m thinking how am I going to do this the rest of my life?”
Things were spiraling out of control until March 13, 2008. Kristen, a speech therapist who works with autistic children, was doing research for a client when she came across an online quiz. It was a test of Asperger’s Syndrome, an autism spectrum disorder characterized by repetitive tendencies, obsessive interest in several narrow subjects, difficulty reading the emotions of others and social difficulties. When she started reading the questions, Kristen says, she realized her husband had Asperger’s.
“All of a sudden, the light bulb went off,” she said.
David Finch on Asperger's Diagnosis at 31: It was a 'moment of self-recognition'
She had David take the quiz, but didn’t tell him why or what it was about. The questions ranged from “Do you find it vitally important to remain undisturbed when you’re focusing on your special interests?” to “Do you feel tortured by certain clothes?” The longer the quiz went on, the more personally revealing the questions – and his answers – were.
At the end, the computer tallied his score - 155 out of 200 possible points – and determined it is likely he had Asperger’s. He cried.
“I cried because it was this moment of self-recognition I had never had before,” he said.
A doctor confirmed his diagnosis and, at age 31, David finally had a reason for his behaviors, and an idea of what may be causing his marriage to suffer. In the same way he obsessed over his neighbor’s rooftops, he was now obsessed with fixing himself and his marriage to Kristen. He decided on his own that he needed to modify his behavior.
“I wanted to change,” he said. “I wanted to learn how to manage these behaviors. To give myself a better life, to get our marriage back on track and to earn back Kristen's friendship; to be a better dad and to have a more fulfilling life.”
But David didn’t keep that news to himself. Instead, he decided to go public with his story, writing a memoir which became a New York Times best-seller called “The Journal of Best Practices.”
It’s not a self-help book, but a book about his journey of self-discovery and his efforts to save his marriage to Kristen. It grew from notes he wrote reminding himself to break out of his head and be more responsive to those around him, be a present husband and father, and pay attention to the needs of other people. He even wrote reminders about simple needs such as not to change the radio station when Kristen is singing along, and as important as taking initiative and being a dad.
“I’ve made being a better husband, the husband that I want to be, my special interest,” the 35-year-old David said. “And it’s paying off.”
He’s seeing results in many areas of his life. One note, “parties are supposed to be fun,” reminds David to be good, worthy company at a party. While that may seem like a no-brainer to most, it is a difficult task for David as people with Asperger’s often have a difficult time in social situations. Before his diagnosis, the way David would cope in a group was to mimic the behavior of people who he thought did a great job of fitting in. His favorite role was “the comedian.”
“In order to socialize, I found it was easiest just to get people laughing,” David Finch said. “I would do these ridiculous stunts and jokes, and people loved this.”
But getting people laughing, he found, was exhausting and not entirely fulfilling.
“I would keep that up at like manic, frenetic pace for like an hour, and then I would leave the party,” he said.
So David began studying not just the great humorists, but great communicators. One of his favorite people to study is radio shock jock, Howard Stern.
“Howard’s really an amazingly effective communicator,” he said. “What I’m taking away is his system for engaging his listener.”
By adopting his pacing and voice modulation, and taking cues from his body language, David says he has become better company.
“What I can do is I can give them a couple of minutes of that [humor], and then I can slow it down,” David Finch said. “I can get rid of the shtick and I can really engage in a nice conversation.”
David calls this behavior modification, unlearning old behaviors and learning new ones. He is adamant that he is not curing Asperger’s, nor does he believe one should. He simply says that he wanted to change and has made it a priority. Now, four years after his diagnosis, David says he’s still a work in progress, and Kristen says they met in the middle to put their marriage back on track.
“I guess that was why when we got the diagnosis that I knew that we were going to be ok, because I knew we were both willing to change to make it work,” she said.
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RealAmericansFirst - My wife takes luvox for prominent OCD, my son has high functioning autism. I get a double wammy at home. My wife is a school teacher and I most definately am NOT voting for Obama and government controlling my health, body, mind or soul. Thanks for your concern though:)
You do realize with out the healthcare reform your son will NEVER be able to get health ins on his own. he has a pre existing condition.
And I'd trust the government before I trust a greedy for profit insurance company. And they already have control of our healthcare "choices" You try and have an MRI without their approval.... see how much healthcare you get when they say no.
Stop drinking the fox cool-aide and open your mind. RMoney is only after your tax dollars so he has to stop paying his.
dbers, not to get into politics, but with what you describe as your situation, I'm not sure if you are looking at the health care law correctly. This isn't about Obama. Its about you and what benefits you. Read more, and assume less.
My husband of 25 years has aspergers syndrome. It is great that this couple are working on this together...I wish that were the case here. It obviously depends on the person, but my husband has no interest in improving or changing anything. Depression often accompanies aspergers, this marriage has been very difficult and lonely. I have been a trouper, but I'm about done. It is not fixable.
Wow..25 years..that's tough for anyone. Give yourself credit.
I give you a TON of credit too. My mom has "dealt with" my father for 41 years. (he has Asperger's too obviously) She told me, "he's a good person, not a cheater or a drinker, and a very hard worker." So much so that he's never home. Always has to be working on a project somewhere. Not a good communicator at all. Good luck DK from TX.
wow...as someone who is about to take the boards to get my therapist license, this has been a fascinating conversation to follow. i just wanted to thank those who have spoken up so frankly about what they, or a family member, has faced. you might never know who you are helping find the correct path.
I found that same test online a few years ago and had my husband take it because of his "quirkiness" and OCD ways. Definite Aspie. We have a high-functioning autistic son as well. The good thing is that my husband is an organizer and the house is always neat thanks to him. I'm not complaining. :)
I've heard of people being diagnosed with this condition later in life and having it put behaviors and issues that have plagued them since childhood into perspective. But it seems really odd to me that Kirstin didn't notice any of this obsessive behavior before they married, especially since they were friends and were a couple for a long time before tying the knot. Didn't she any sign at all of his need for routines and predictability in his life while they were going through the normal friends/dating/spending more and more time together until we are living together (or practically living together, at least) sequence of their relationship? She never noticed how he made omelets or noticed that he got very upset by things like garlic in Thanksgiving potatoes until after they were married?
This article makes it sound like he suddenly developed an autistic spectrum disorder after they got married, but these conditions are present from the very beginning of one's life (though they may go undiagnosed or misidentified as quirkiness or personality flaws if they are on the mild end of the spectrum).
I thought the same thing at 1st too Erica, but then I realized she wasn't around him 24 hrs/day before they were married, to really notice. You know the saying "you can be married to someone over 10 years, and not truly know them at all". I'm praying for my son who has Asperger's, that he finds someone who truly understands and loves him for who he is. We've got time, he's only 14. haha
13 yrs. ago we had my husbands brother (47yrs.old) come live with us after both parents passed. He had never worked,no friends,never a girlfriend. The family knew there was something different about him, but did not persue any help. He had not been to the doctor in 30yrs.,no ss#,was not claimed on taxes or anything. He stayed home, read 3 newspapers a day, would go to corner store for mom, but had never shopped in dept.store or large grocery store. We first had a complete physical done, then we were referred to a psychiatrist, but he did not want medications so we instead went to a psychologist. After several weeks of therapy, we had a diagnosis. He has Aspergers. He was so relieved he told his brother (my husband) that at least now he knew he wasn't crazy. It was so sad, but also such a relief to him and to his family (5 siblings) that we were so grateful. We enrolled him in some adult classes that taught him some office skills, and continued his therapy, and after approx.3 yrs he got a job in an office. He has now worked for them about 7yrs. He still has therapy bi-monthly or when necessary, and has a much better understanding of what is expected of him. We still have some issues, but altogether he has grown so much. It is ashamed that something like this went on for so long, but I know from experience that in that era the 50's alot of people did not seek help for mental problems. There was a lot of embarrassment and shame at that time. I am just so glad that we were able to get a diagnosis for him. He is now a functioning person in this world. And he is very proud of his job. We have found there is alot a person with Aspergers can do and to overcome. I feel the counseling has helped a great deal, and gives alot of explaination to my brother-in-law for living in this society.
I don't mean to second guess the diagnosis, but this sounds a hell of a lot more like Obsessive Compulsive disorder than Asperger's...and meds actually HELP that!!!
Actually sounds like he has both, and that's ok.
I am 38, and just discovered recently I have Aspergers. I only found this out after I was treated for a mild-TBI received in combat. While it's ok to embrace the diagnosis, don't let it shape your identity; keep being yourself, and keep in mind you now have the added benefit of self-awareness. This condition is actually a hidden blessing that can be used to your advantage with therapy and education. They seem to think Thomas Jefferson and Jackson, Temple Grandin, Bill Gates, and many others who turned-out completely fine have been Aspies. Good luck!
You know, every other week "Scientits's" and "Doktors" come up with a NEW syndrome. I think these people should be disciplined more as kids AND quit giving them a 'syndrome' to excuse their rotten, bad, shabby behavior.
Just go back to the days when evereyone with 'wierd' tendencies were RETARDED.
well first of all PacoMartinez, you need to learn how to spell or at least hit the "spell check" button before you post your ignorant comments. 2nd - I do mean "ignorant" which means "lacking knowledge or information as to a particular subject".
how about we just beat you about the head Paco until you grown a brain. Because you obviously dont have one.
Paraphrased:
Gordie: " Chris, do you think I'm weird? "
Chris: " Yeah - But so what? Everybody's weird . "
- Stand By Me -
error code spicewiesel sez, "bur p."
This was an interesting article, glad they shared. As a wife of a 36 year old husband with asperger's, and 4 children One asperger's, 3 autistic I totally get what they went through and are going through. I remember thinking things like lettuce does not have a smell, when my husband would freak out and want to vomit when I ate a salad and a 100 other random things that did not make sense to me. I am a totally social person he is not, he has sound touch and other sensory issues. None of this was diagnosed in him until we had our first son, and as a mom I knew something was wrong but not what . We had twins when he was 2 and at that time we found out he was autistic among other things. As the twins developed we realized there were issues too I laugh when I hear the word autism spectrum because we have such a diverse group in our home. Some of them will not look at you much, all of them have learning delays in some aria but are super brilliant in others, socializing is a challenge for all of them.
I relate to the wife in the story in that the "light bulb went on for me as I started working with my children & all the tests ect you go through, I did the same thing with my husband and we found he was also an asperger's person. All in all it is a big challenge every day Things happen in our house that you would think that is not possible lol or how in the world!" It can be so crazy accommodating so many with these needs much like a special needs class room, But I love my family I would never choose to not have them in my life they make me the best I can be :)
wow Dawn, that's amazing. I sympathize for you and your strength. As a mom w/ twin boys, one of which has Asperger's and a friend who has Autism and is not high functioning, I completely understand what you're going thru, and wish you continued luck.
My son has Asperger's cousin Tourette's Syndrone. He also has OCD which is the arranging things in orders. He was not diagnosed with it until he was a Senior in High School. When we found the problem, he began to relax and things just fell into place. He still has problems from time to time with yelling out, but never said curse words like many people believe that kids that have this do. In fact there is only about 10% of people diagnosed with Tourette's that curse. Most important is they all can live a normal life, but they also have to remind themselves that it is okay to be sloppy every now and then.
I have a son who is Aspy. Although he is not severely Aspy, we have dealt with symptoms that we could not identify a cause for since he was born. It is also possible I too have it, but I have never been tested, and do not feel the need to do so at this stage in my life.
Aspy kids, are, by and large, are intelligent kids who focus on singular interests, one at a time. They tend to not adapt to changes in their schedules well, and do like daily routines to be rigid and unchanged. As a parent, we find the best way to deal with that is to forewarn him that "life" is going to get in the way today or tomorrow. One of the advantages these kids have, is that they can alter their behaviors when they feel the need to do so. My son's mind is so powerful, he can change himself. I have seen him do it, even as young as 8 or 10 years old. Of course, he has to feel the need to do so.
Our son has tested in the top 2% nationally in IQ scores. At the age of 11, he started teaching himself physics. He delves into a subject until he gets enough to satisfy his curiosity, which tends to be much more demanding than the "normal" kid's curiosity.
Another aspect is that these kids quite often are targets for bullying. They don't tend to be as coordinated as the regular kids, and appear awkward in many of their motions and behaviors. This attracts bullying. It happened to my son for several years. Finally, unlike many of these victims of cruelty, my son stood up for himself. Then he started standing up for others who were being picked on. He would step right in, and tell the bully to go away. And he did not back down. I have to say, that these kids can be truly amazing. My son is one of my heroes. His ability to overcome obstacles, and find his own courage far outstrip my abilities at his age. He is now accepted by many of his peers, and is finding ways to be proud of himself, as we see things to be proud of almost every day.
Don't get me wrong! He can be very frustrating to deal with at times. But in his difficulties, there is always hope, and he shows us quite consistently, that there is great reason for that hope. He could grow up to be an evil genius, or possibly find the cure to cancer. Certainly I aim toward the latter. I think he does too, now that his days of being bullied are over.
Dear Mr Brock,
After reading 100+ posts, this is by far, my favorite and brought tears to my eyes since my story sounds just like yours! My son is now 14 and was diagnosed w Asperger's about 4 yrs ago. As your son, he was bullied a lot, but now stands up for himself and fights back. First w/ words, but then w/ fists twice. Now the other kids know not to mess w/ him and leave him alone. Now a freshmen in high school, he has become someone they actually admire since he is an amazing guitar player.
I don't think the Asperger's syndrome experience is realized in this article. This is a much, much prettier story than a lot of cases, as someone stated above. The reality is that many have significant problems with emotional development and relating to the world. It would be ideal to end up like David Finch, but that is not usual. A lot of people (psychologists included) have very little experience with Asperger's, and have a hard time realizing someone's experiences. I think it's heartbreaking trying to get progressive attitudes moving society into evolution, when there is a lot to set us backwards. An example, when the media reported that James Eagan Holmes could have Asperger's it likely gave those unfamiliar a negative image of someone with the condition. I believe the tendency is to associate Asperger's with antisocial misfits, which is not good. It keeps us far from learning and evolving.
Holmes has some serious problems but I highly doubt he has Aspergers. It seems more like some sort of psychoses.
I have a child with Asperger's; it was not diagnosed until 4 years ago, when he was 12, and yes, I always knew that he was "different" from the other children. He was socially awkward and did things that I (and many around me) did not understand. There was the tapping or drumming his fingers, the not eating certain textures of food, the battle over certain types of clothing (though not brand specific), and the often monotone and gaze-averting conversation; none of which struck me much because it was what I was used to with him. And they say each child is different. Once he was diagnosed, I noticed that most people didn't seem to understand why he continued these behaviors; almost as though they felt the diagnosis was the cure. The problem is that I don't believe that a cure is what these children and adults need; they need a society that accepts ALL people despite their differences. I have focused on making my child aware of what is socially acceptable while at the same time embracing who he is. Each day is a hurdle we clear, each friend is a blessing, and each modification he chooses to make is a gift towards his future. He is highly intelligent and has the brightest outlook at what his future holds. He is a gift. This story is amazing in that this man has chosen to embrace and value what he holds dear; and has chosen to travel a path to improve his daily interactions in that endeavor. I once had someone ask me, "why does he get picked on" and "what is he doing that causes people to be mean to him". My response was simple..."ya know, we as a society go on and on about how we wish people would mean what they say and how we wish people would be honest. We wish people would follow the laws and do what's right, yet when we encounter them, we ostracize them." She shut up. Everyone has their quirks, a person with Asperger's are just more noticed because they operate outside of the normal tendencies of "normal" people to cheat, steal, lie, and get ahead....a consistent world of honest, trustworthy, law-abiding citizens sounds pretty good to me! My two cents....
Very well written! I couldn't agree w/ you anymore. My son is 14 and also has Asperger's. My son is an amazing person and sounds like yours is too.
My husband has Aspergers. I didn't realize it when we married. He kept many symptoms hid, but it is hard to hide them when you are living together. First, he is a very good person and would never knowingly lie, though sometimes he is dishonest because he really believes something to be true when it is not. We love each other very much, plus we met in our late 30s and I was more willing to accept problems because I knew by then that all relationships have them. He had increasing problems with depression and anxiety. Plus he is brilliant, but not willing to work that much unless it is some interesting, and then he will spend all his time on it. I became increasingly angry because to me so much of it was that he wouldn't, not that he couldn't. I began to develop drinking problems because of the endless work to support both of us, the stress, etc. Well, we watched the Temple Grandin movie several years ago and after it, he was very upset and said that he had that disorder. Tests confirmed it, and the only one he scored around normal on was empathy. We still had a rocky time till he got off gluten. Then his emotional symptoms got better, as well as his overall health. We thought it was a gluten sensitivity but DNA testing said it was true Celiac disease. I am sure his mother has Aspergers, too, and she threw a fit when I told her he had it. Very angry. Knowing has helped us a lot, and I can let go things that bother me, like the constant putting things in rows, "correcting" things I did to match his obsessions, throwing out gifts of clothing that weren't the "right" shade of green or beige. I still hate that he does not like to socialize, hates parties, events, etc., even with his own family. I hate that people are so cruel to him because he is poor at small talk and make no effort to include him or say unkind things about him. He cried when he finally understood why he couldn't play like other kids, why he didn't have friends. We are going to make it. To be honest, I have done most of the work in the whole thing, because when I've tried to ask for his help, I often hit a stone wall. I have never lived with anyone who was such a pain in the butt. But he is a very good, decent man. And despite all the problems, I am 100% sure that he loves me and always will, and I never had that before in my life.
Janet, you are amazing and he is amazing. If you have a chance, read my post about my son and my anger (at first) at my mother.
My husband said that it helped him immensely in life, that his parents made him learn and do certain social behaviors, such as shaking a person's hand and saying "Nice to meet you," looking them in the eye briefly, then he could look down.
novel, to teach a child manners, who would have thunk
ah, another person (Susannnn) who has "no clue" purely ignorant about the facts of Asperger's.
Role playing works well as long as you don't roll too much. It seems like repetitive animal like instinctive behavior can be soothing and a form or security blanket.
It is amazing that he went through school and it wasn't caught... It isn't something that just kicks in like schizophrenia is it? I thought you are born with Autism?
You are born with it. A lot of Asperger's patients have above average intelligence.
Parents don't always catch that their child's quirks are AS. Everyone thought my grand-niece was cute when she was young, because she talked a lot and acted like she knew so much, but at 16 she thinks she knows it all and won't listen when someone tries to correct her. She didn't get diagnosed till age 10.
Cheesy, Asperger's is really different and not many people are educated about it. Most people w/ it are very high functioning and only socially appear "unusual".
OMG....I am reading all of this and I am really thinking my 14 year old daughter may have this! I dunno where to go from here. Socially she is so bad that I had to take her out of public schools and home school, this is not good for her social develoment, but I have no other choice as she was so bullied in school for her curly hair and chunky weight and lashing out so badly. She pretty much is reclusive at home, never comes out of her room except to eat and she is obsessed with drawing animation on her computer with her tablet (she is really good at it though, excellent attention to detail, always perfection or she gets so angry) She cannot take a joke at all, she gets so mad OMG, we can't tease her ever. We host the Holidays i.e. Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter, the whole family comes (about 20 people) and she will only come out to say hi to her grandma and grandpa and goes back in hiding until dinner. Wow, I dunno what to think now. I sit here typing and thinking OMG that's what is wrong with her! Holy Cow, need to do some research, sure wish I could find this quiz in the article.
Google aspergers quiz and you will find a bunch.
My son was able to be tested at school, but since your daughter is homeschooled I think that I would contact my physician. There are a ton of books available to really get a broader picture of what some of the primary issues people with Asperger's deal with. For my son, certain smells and sounds seemed to trigger him; and while his rythmic tapping was a distraction for some, it helped him to focus (it was like receiving the key to the Emerald City when he was able to express that to me). There are many, many factors that come in to play...things many of us barely notice in our day to day routiines, but things that your child may find overwhelming. I would definitely look into it; you will only be helping to understand her if you are right! Good luck!!!
I agree w Janet. Google it / read up about it. If you want a true diagnosis, go to a neurologist. Good luck
My husband had it all his life. When he went through school, graduating in 1972, they weren't aware of it. Heck, I had seen a few articles but that was in the last 10 years. His mother also really disliked (and still dislikes) the idea that her kids have something "wrong" with them. Fact is all 4 boys are off from normal but all have married and function well in the world with support. They all did well at picking wives. People with high functioning Aspergers can fake it enough to manage but many with it are isolated and lonely. I don't expect my husband to be normal, and he is very special. In fact some of his best points are where he is not normal. But he is hard to live with. My husband says if you marry well and have one or two good friends, you will do fine.
My sister and her daughter live with me; it's a great way to live. However, my niece had some "quirks" that drove me slightly crazy. From one day to the next she would do things that made zero sense to me.
One day I happened on an article on the Internet and I had an epiphany in the truest sense of the word. She was an Asperger!
She's a highly intelligent person; she just graduated (at the age of 50) with a Masters in Psychology and is going for her Doctorate. She has had problems at her job because of complete ignorance and prejudices by her managers who think that all persons with ASD are like "Rain Man." What is worse, many "professionals" believe that too!
Because she had never been officially diagnosed, she was exposed to ignorance and prejudice that I can understand. I’m disabled because of a side effect of a drug I had to take after a stroke. But I had been DIAGNOSED, and she hadn’t, so her employer could get away with murder, treating her as a “norm” when she wasn’t.
Armed with a diagnosis, she is now protected from the unelightened managers who have made her life a living hell. She has put up with several years of prejudice; thank heavens it’s over.
My grand-niece has AS and oppositional defiance disorder, and just turned 16. She has no friends and never has. She is totally self absorbed, thinks she knows it all, and has no respect for anyone in authority. She refuses to accept that she has AS and thinks she should not have to change for anyone. Unfortunately her life will never get better due to the ODD because she will not accept that she is wrong about anything.
STOP SOBama
From my experiences, sometimes it takes months, if not years of therapy, before a man can open up about the depression that he doesn't admit he has. He's not overtly depressed, but he is covertly depressed. And unless he's lucky enough to have a big trainwreck in his life (wife leaves him, etc.), then he will continue his behavior, and not hold himself accountable for it. Nothing is more constant than how little people change. You have to humble yourself which is a very challenging endeavor. Most men aren't up to the task, as that would be a sign of weakness, which isn't acceptable in a society where men are taught to be disconnected from their emotions.
Whether or not you happen to get diagnosed with some disease/disorder, etc., it's my opinion it is most important to not relieve the individual of any of the accountability for their thoughts, feelings, and actions. The gentleman mentioned in the article obviously had the capacity to modify his behavior. He just needed to be told.
For him and his family's sake, I hope he holds himself accountable for *all* of his previous and future actions, including the nasty stuff he said to his wife about not liking garlic in the mashed potatoes. Blaming your behavior on others, inanimate objects, or some disorder/disease will most always lead to the same behavior in the future.