By Alison O'Brien
Rock Center
It happens in a lot of new relationships. Every day, you learn something new about each other. It happened with David and Kristen Finch.
“David was quirky,” Kristen said. “Always just very sweet and funny, [and] kind of nerdy, but in a cute nerdy way.”
“Very sexy nerd,” David interjected and, smiling, Kristen agreed.
The two met while attending high school in their small Illinois town and after years as friends, David and Kristen began dating. To Kristen, he was “super boyfriend” – a go with the flow guy who was the life of any social gathering.
“He was entertaining the whole room,” said Kristen, age 35. “And it got people laughing.”
But, when they married in 2003, the laughter stopped. Kristen was confused.
“I thought, what happened?” she said. “You know, it was almost like night and day after we got married.”
Once they were living together, David’s actions, once quirky to Kristen now seemed strange. They began to put a strain on their marriage. David, then in his twenties, was obsessed with daily rituals. He would take an hour to make his breakfast. He’d meticulously wash and cut grapes, make his oatmeal and tea. When it came to his eggs, he would line up the carton making it parallel to the countertop and carefully scramble his eggs to make sure the consistency was the same from one day to the next.
David, who was working as an engineer, had an outfit for each season. In the winter, he’d wear a sweatshirt with Eastern printed on it and track pants. In the summer, he’d wear a t-shirt and shorts that became so worn, they developed holes. Every day, he had to wear the same clothes because if he didn’t, David said he “would silently freak out.”
NBC News
David Finch staring at rooftops, one of the rituals that helps calm him.
“Tension would mount and I couldn't say anything. Pretty soon I'd start snapping at people,” he explained in an interview with Kate Snow airing Thursday, Sept. 27 at 10pm/9c on NBC's Rock Center with Brian Williams.
The rituals would continue until bedtime. Every night, David would stare out the window at his neighbors’ rooftops. He found the symmetry calming.
“I have a physiological response,” he said. “My shoulders relax. My head calms down and it's kind of nice.”
But it wasn’t so nice for Kristen. While she took care of the house and their two children, daughter Emily and son Parker, David was fixated on himself. When things didn’t go exactly as planned, he’d obsess endlessly. It happened one Thanksgiving when there was garlic in the mashed potatoes. According to David, garlic didn’t belong in the mashed potatoes at Thanksgiving dinner.
“I would sit there and I would complain about it,” David recounted. “And I'd bring it up constantly to Kristen. And then she would get on my case, because she would be very confused. She thinks I look like a baby and I think this is completely unfair, but I don't know how else to react. And so that would set me off.”
In recalling the incident, Kristen said, “I’m thinking how am I going to do this the rest of my life?”
Things were spiraling out of control until March 13, 2008. Kristen, a speech therapist who works with autistic children, was doing research for a client when she came across an online quiz. It was a test of Asperger’s Syndrome, an autism spectrum disorder characterized by repetitive tendencies, obsessive interest in several narrow subjects, difficulty reading the emotions of others and social difficulties. When she started reading the questions, Kristen says, she realized her husband had Asperger’s.
“All of a sudden, the light bulb went off,” she said.
David Finch on Asperger's Diagnosis at 31: It was a 'moment of self-recognition'
She had David take the quiz, but didn’t tell him why or what it was about. The questions ranged from “Do you find it vitally important to remain undisturbed when you’re focusing on your special interests?” to “Do you feel tortured by certain clothes?” The longer the quiz went on, the more personally revealing the questions – and his answers – were.
At the end, the computer tallied his score - 155 out of 200 possible points – and determined it is likely he had Asperger’s. He cried.
“I cried because it was this moment of self-recognition I had never had before,” he said.
A doctor confirmed his diagnosis and, at age 31, David finally had a reason for his behaviors, and an idea of what may be causing his marriage to suffer. In the same way he obsessed over his neighbor’s rooftops, he was now obsessed with fixing himself and his marriage to Kristen. He decided on his own that he needed to modify his behavior.
“I wanted to change,” he said. “I wanted to learn how to manage these behaviors. To give myself a better life, to get our marriage back on track and to earn back Kristen's friendship; to be a better dad and to have a more fulfilling life.”
But David didn’t keep that news to himself. Instead, he decided to go public with his story, writing a memoir which became a New York Times best-seller called “The Journal of Best Practices.”
It’s not a self-help book, but a book about his journey of self-discovery and his efforts to save his marriage to Kristen. It grew from notes he wrote reminding himself to break out of his head and be more responsive to those around him, be a present husband and father, and pay attention to the needs of other people. He even wrote reminders about simple needs such as not to change the radio station when Kristen is singing along, and as important as taking initiative and being a dad.
“I’ve made being a better husband, the husband that I want to be, my special interest,” the 35-year-old David said. “And it’s paying off.”
He’s seeing results in many areas of his life. One note, “parties are supposed to be fun,” reminds David to be good, worthy company at a party. While that may seem like a no-brainer to most, it is a difficult task for David as people with Asperger’s often have a difficult time in social situations. Before his diagnosis, the way David would cope in a group was to mimic the behavior of people who he thought did a great job of fitting in. His favorite role was “the comedian.”
“In order to socialize, I found it was easiest just to get people laughing,” David Finch said. “I would do these ridiculous stunts and jokes, and people loved this.”
But getting people laughing, he found, was exhausting and not entirely fulfilling.
“I would keep that up at like manic, frenetic pace for like an hour, and then I would leave the party,” he said.
So David began studying not just the great humorists, but great communicators. One of his favorite people to study is radio shock jock, Howard Stern.
“Howard’s really an amazingly effective communicator,” he said. “What I’m taking away is his system for engaging his listener.”
By adopting his pacing and voice modulation, and taking cues from his body language, David says he has become better company.
“What I can do is I can give them a couple of minutes of that [humor], and then I can slow it down,” David Finch said. “I can get rid of the shtick and I can really engage in a nice conversation.”
David calls this behavior modification, unlearning old behaviors and learning new ones. He is adamant that he is not curing Asperger’s, nor does he believe one should. He simply says that he wanted to change and has made it a priority. Now, four years after his diagnosis, David says he’s still a work in progress, and Kristen says they met in the middle to put their marriage back on track.
“I guess that was why when we got the diagnosis that I knew that we were going to be ok, because I knew we were both willing to change to make it work,” she said.
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How is this diagnosed?? Is there blood work or a scan? Or is it buy process of illimination. Everything he describes above are symptoms of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, something I can tell you is the same since I too do many of the things he does, such as line things up. I guess there are more details, but I hope his diagnosis went beyond just being give this test.
I think the two do often wind up confused because many aspies ALSO have OCD. This was the way it happened with me. I got my OCD diagnosis young, but it just didn't explain EVERYTHING. In everything, I would include the extreme sensory sensitivity and the difficulty in making friends as a kid. Though not all people with OCD are aspies and not all aspies have OCD, there is a funky no man's land where these people overlap that I am sure all mental health professionals are familiar with. :)
Generally it is diagnosed by a psychiatrist however, we had a WHOLE team of professionals who interviewed my son, myself & my son's dad all separately to get more information. You can take the DSM test, which is the medical manual for things such as this. If you do look for an evaluation, please make sure that the person specializes in autism, if this is what you think it is. A mental health professional gets a degree covering MANY disorders so you want to be correctly diagnosed. When I took my son for an evaluation with a psychiatrist, before he was correctly diagnosed, the man met with me for 20 minutes, NEVER spoke to my son and was ready to write a perscription for depakote because he FELT that my son had bipolar disorder:( COMPLETELY wrong!!
Benaiden's Mom: the shrinks tried to tell me that I was bipolar too! I'm not though. I took the lithium for this condition for one day and felt flatter than a pancake. I told them if I had to continue I would get suicidal quick! Later that year I got my REAL Asperger's diagnosis. :)
I was diagnosed with OCD many years ago, and was put on meds. But I dropped that after a few months, since it dulled my imagination and made me to docile. lol. I do nothing but imagine scenarios and contemplate problems. I work in IT, so that thinking fits and has helped me succeed. But I also see the negative side, as in my mood swings and the little things that bug me which makes others around me not know how to deal with me. I have zero friends because not long after meeting someone, I suspect they are up to no good. Yes I know its just me, but I have been this way for too long and have learned to deal with it. But I never knew of a connection between that and a diagnosed syndrome.
My daughter was born with a genetic defect, VCFS. It can be heredetary, but not always. She is 17 and fine, but we went through years of therapies, both physical and speech. Anyway, as I read through this man's symptoms, all I can think of is OCD.
I just took the test and got a 30. But from what I see my mood will probably affect the results. If I took it again tomorrow and my mood is happy the results may vary. If I were to ask myself if my OCD was related to Asperger's, I would say that was inconclusive.
Can you tell me, do you take meds for Asperger's, and are they also MAO Inhibitors?
Go_Obama! -
One of the biggest problems with diagnosing AS is that there are very few qualified physicians who know it well enough, and how to detect it in a patient by asking the right questions. There are a LOT of misdiagnosed aspies, and on top of that, many aspies have concurrent conditions like PTSD, ADD and OCD (for the person who is questioning about OCD up there - yes, AS does combine many OCD behaviors). For this reason - and I hesitate to bring this up, but it is the truth - Aspergers is one of the only pervasive personality disorders where self-diagnosis is frequently accepted in a professional sense. Because it is impossible for most physicians to tap into a lot of what is diagnostic, for one, and secondly... most Aspies are so obsessed with knowing WHAT is wrong with them, we might as well have a college education on it. I had one psychologist tell me that he knew nothing about Aspergers before he met me, and the more I told him the more he took his own personal time to research it and in the end he said I was spot on.
Additionally, there is the DSM, where we can turn to read up on the diagnostic criteria and how to interpret it, and apply it to ourselves to see if we fit the diagnosis.
I suggest everyone ignore any negative comments on self diagnosis at this point, as I will be doing - since they always pop up - but here is the bottom line. If actual physicians are willing to accept self diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome in patients to help them apply an actual diagnosis (Or, in the case of those not qualified to diagnos, give an informal diagnosis), that should say something. No oncologist is going to tell you they agree that your skin lump is cancer without testing it, right? There's no "test" for Aspergers. Everyone's going on the best of the available information and on behavioral traits, of which the patient knows best. ;)
TFNJ -
There are no medications for Aspergers. We do take medications sometimes to treat the concurrent disorders however, whether those be ADD meds, anti-depressants, etc... Aspies tend to be HIGHLY reactive to meds however, and finding the right mix is sometimes a real challenge. That is if medications are needed at all. I need meds for ADD and depression; even with them, my AS behaviors shine through, though. I just tend to become very depressed by my dealings with people, and then there is the ADD as well.
I wish there was a blood test or scan..I live in an area without many psychologists and alot of stigma involved in going to one..this is why I may never be "officially" diagnosed.
Forgive me for continuing the questioning, but without a physical test, how would they separate this from a mental disorder, or even a stress related mental fatigue?
Sometimes putting a label on something can be a relief because they have an answer, but it can also feel like they now have an excuse for their behavior. In this case this man had or has his rituals, and some may have been extreme and hard to deal with. But they are signs of OCD that can be controlled with meds. That plus counseling, since some times OCD stems from some past event that the person wants to block.
Yes I understand that there are studies that show certain traits that are common in many cases. But I think when you put a lable on something, it gets to a point where you appear in a news article, as if someone was just given a death sentence. I would hope they followed the mental disorder angle long enough before chalking it up to Aspergers.
I had a psychiatrist figure out what was going on with me but honestly (and I don't care how scientific it sounds or doesn't sound), you know that you have Asperger's when you begin to study it and find yourself in tears because it helps you piece together both the struggles of your childhood and your day to day challenges in a way that you never dreamed was possible. I would argue that it's like the Oracle in The Matrix: "Being the one (or having Asperger's) is like being in love....no one tells you you are.....you just KNOW it."
The "traits" of ASD while superficially can resemble many other mental health conditions the life long pattern of them and other associated symptoms differentiate ASD from the other conditions.
Those who are depressed do not fail to read non verbal body expressions. Stress and anxiety are actually VERY common co-morbidties with ASD. However the ritual calming and stimming of those with ASD related anxiety is unique to ASD and not to regular anxiety disorders.
Members of my family are diagnosed Aspergers. I recommend the book "Look me in the Eye". Tells the account of a man's life up through his diagnosis at 40. Some Aspie's cannot make eye contact, others make continuos uncomfortable eye contact. Aspergians can intensely study a topic, including social skills - in some cases, and train themselves. This is a great article exemplifying that.
All of your stories validate the lives of many who cannot reach out to others. By sharing, you give hope...Bravo!
This story reeks of misdiagnosis. People don't develop Aspergers at 30. Some quotes:
"It was like night and day"
"What happened?"
These seem to indicate some sort of instantaneous change. Socially, he also seems fine. He seems quite personable even, not even introverted. You can tell he really has no trouble giving the interview... even a few bouts of humor in there.. Individuals with aspergers sometimes have trouble with this.
I'm not a psychologist, but I know there are other conditions that cause this type of obsessive behavior. Considering this change was sudden, I would place my bet on a misdiagnosis here.
The article does not state all the symptoms David had as a child and young adult. His book goes into much more detail regarding his "quirks". Watch the show Thursday (or read his book), hopefully you will learn something.
What David displayed in public was "day" and what she didnt see until she lived with him AFTER the wedding was "night" when he would stop playing the roll of a neurotypical. This was NOT sudden and he has had Aspergers ALL his life.
Many with aspergers learn to mimic "normal" social behavior when in public and then act themselves at home in private.
Educate yourself about individuals with ASD.
I was at a seminar in Indianapolis where the Head of NASA was the primary session speaker. She stated that she had Asperger's and that she ran the largest rehabilitation workshop in the US. High end Asperger Bill Gates and Einstien included have tremendous abilities. The OCD further aids in their problem quest in that they want things as perfect as possible. Large concentrations of high end Asperger are found in the computer work done in the Simi valley and also in Minneapolis and Boston where the insurance industry uses many of them as actuaries. They are extremely intellectually smart individuals but suffer from that quirky, nerdy, ocd induced behavior. It is tough to overcome.
Laffs I really enjoyed this article....I love the way that David says that making his marriage work is his new "obsessive interest". Here I thought I was so original. ;) I switched focus around junior high and really studied how people interacted and maintained relationships. I also read books for teens and watched lots of TV, and when people ask me what my savant talent is, I joke that they are looking at it. True, acting like someone who isn't totally out there doesn't draw the crowds that multiplying seven digit numbers in your head does, but it has greatly enriched my life and opened my world to others. I think that is is wonderful that David can be so honest about himself and his journey and the work that he has had to do to get here. :)
And, thus, the reason to live together for a while before getting married.
Isn't it nice and neat to put people in buckets and try to figure out why they are not like us, instead of celebrating their individulality? OCD, Aspies, etc....
There would be no need to do this if these people didn't have difficulties that make it hard to interact in this world. Many people suffering from these disorders are struggling in their daily lives and are having trouble functioning and often become depressed. They need to get diagnosed so that they can find ways to help themselves.
While your response is a feel good response that we should celebrate everyone just as they are, it really is not a very helpful way of thinking. People with these disorders often feel a great deal of relief once they are diagnosed. And, after a diagnosis, they can start moving forward with their lives.
I am sure that I have Aspergers myself (I have 1 child diagnosed and suspect another one might have it). I have no idea where to go to get help for myself. But I do know that the difficulties I have functioning are very real and are keeping me from living life the way that I want to. That alone is a very good reason to get diagnosed.
I agree, Roots you are not clinical psychologist for you don't know what you are talking about. Go away you little troll.
I just had to read up to the point where stated he was an Engineer...nuff said!
I just finished reading all of these posts and have to say that I found all the comments refreshingly fun to read. It is very obvious to me that all of the aspies who contributed are intelligent and appreciate writing English correctly and with grammar and punctuation. I know a kid with Asperger's and he is an honor student with a complete and total fascination with music. It's difficult to have a conversation with him unless you want to talk about music. =) But it's like several of you have said, one must appreciate and try to understand an aspie, and, knowing his situation, makes his social awkwardness just a part of who he is, and not a problem or an impossibility. Rock on, all you aspies! I appreciate all of your contributions!
freevoter,
This kid sounds JUST like my son. Instead of music, it is language. He is an AMAZING child and I wouldn't change anything about him. We are working together with the school psychologist and an outside therapist for behavioral differences in the hopes that he has the skillset to handle everyday life when he is grown up. I just love everything about him though. He is the most interesting person in the world to me!
My son is 8 and has Asperger's and OCD. People can absolutely go undiagnosed for YEARS. Asperger's is high functioning and unless you spend a great deal with someone, you may never know of their differences. Many Doctors did not see it with our son because they wouldn't spend the time in order to find out. With the assistance of his teachers, we routed his behavioral differences through the IEP program and funny enough, doctors are now able to diagnose him. We knew he had Asperger's since he was 14 mos old. While he has no academic issues as Aspie's are typically brilliant, the IEP program has helped him GREATLY with working on his social skills. He still doesn't make eye contact but his reciprocal conversation has developed very well. He also attends therapy to talk about behavioral modifications. I LOVE having an Asperger child. He is so FASCINATING!!!
[Deleted]
I wonder if I have it...I keep repeating myself all the time.
I wonder if I have it...I keep repeating myself all the time.
I wonder if I have it...I keep repeating myself all the time.
I wonder if I have it...I keep repeating myself all the time.
I wonder if I have it...I keep repeating myself all the time.
Really......What's next somebody that's cookoo for Coco Puffs?
This self absorbed guy needs something else to worry about.
No, what you have is a$$hole's syndrome not Asperger's and unfortunately it can't be treated.
Ha PD_REV....every little quirk has a diagnosis and government sponsored treatment plan, EXCEPT yours PD_REV.
Unfortunately there's no ability to implant neurons.
You could live to be 500 years old and you'd never be as smart as me!!!
PD_REV: even an Aspie can spot a troll....keep walking....
No trolling here....just a fed up American that is tired of hard earned tax dollars going to support this BS.
Not that you would know anything about hard work!!!
Wow are you stupid........I actually work and have Asperger's at the same time. Rolls her eyes.....miraculous I know a democrat with a diagnosis who WORKS. I do believe that some aspies are more able to work and function in the world than others, and I am not dissing those who cannot. I more have a problem with people like mbogo who think they know so darn much and know NOTHING.
Just as I figured.....hang on soon you'll have some government aid coming your way!!!
You can thank me then.
Get a life.
I've been at this job several years and you'll be canned before I am.....oh and as an aspie I bet I have IQ points on you too.
In a way you're right. See I'm a physician and I'm getting out due to Qbamacare. Me and thousands of other docs.
BUT....you and the rest of the U.S will pay the price.
Mark my words.
Sighs......I think you are close minded and ridiculous, but part of coping skills is knowing when to walk away and not keep keep something going......have a goodnight. I hope you wake up tomorrow less bitter and jaded with a new lease on life. :)
Sorry for my bitterness..
mbogo, you bring up some valid points, though in a harsh manner. Yes, and I said so much more nicely earlier, people get self absorbed in their troubles, and experience mental fatigue. Once someone puts a label on it they feel they have an excuse. This is why placebos work in many situations. This guy, given a placebo, I wonder if he would show improvement.
Anyway, now to you being a physician. What do you intend to drop out to? Golfing?
TFNJ: since Asperger's is an untreatable developmental disability, I don't see where placebos come into play here. I also don't see why you keep up this contention that we are all looking for an "excuse". I personally am a working, independent person with friends who dates and pays bills and hopes for a family. I didn't want an EXCUSE.....I desperately sought an explanation that might give me a leg up in bettering myself and my LIFE. I don't mean to be defensive, but I am often accused of looking for an excuse and it is very frustrating. What an assumption to make about another person! And they call ME mind blind!
I'm not trying to criticize your condition, or anything like it. I'm simply pointing out human nature.
I have a daughter with VCFS. Please look that up. It is a confirmed genetic problem with learning disabilities, and blood work does confirm it by showing a piece of chromosome missing. But.. do I allow her to live her life as if just the act of holding a book is accomplishment? No, I don't. She lives her life just like every other person. No ginger treatment or pampering. She is 17 now, is a senior in HS, and about to go to college. I can guarantee you, without a doubt, that if I had pampered her or put her story in a newspaper as if there were deep sorrow, she would not have gotten that far. She would have leaned on that crutch then and for the rest of her life.
So my point it that while mbogo's post is harsh, it is also a reality. People put labels on things then lean on that crutch and except failure. I'm not saying that is you, just people in general. The guy in this story will probably now retire. But maybe if he were kicked in the butt and told to move on, he would successfully live his life just like everyone else.
It is inspiring to hear about people being high functioning enough to change their behaviors and thinking.
Unfortunately, the anxiety (including social anxiety) component of my Asperger's is crippling and intractable. I have tried everything from various medications, to psychotherapy, to cognitive behavioral therapy, to group therapy, to just trying to manage it myself by redirecting it like this gentleman did. But nothing has ever worked. Even at my most calm, there is always this buzz in the background of my consciousness that never stops.
Like him, there is one thing that helps: rain. The fact that everything becomes the same color, the same sound emanates from every direction, the same thing is falling everywhere I look, the white noise of the rain, the greyness of the sky etc. I just become completely calm and at peace. My anxiety EVAPORATES and I am happy. I can talk to anyone and seemingly do anything with no fear whatsoever. But the rain stops. And I can't make it rain when I need to of course.
I have attempted to use white noise, recordings of rain, and other combinations of stimuli to recreate this effect, but nothing ever works. It's a horrible, constant mental prison that people who do not have it (or even who do not have it as badly or in the same manner as I do) can never understand.
I am 31 myself and have never had a job, never had a truly successful relationship. I do have strong friendships for which I am eternally grateful and to which I am devoted. I am blessed with open minded, understanding souls who love me despite my issues. And my parents are the greatest blessing of all.
But I can't get disability because they claim I should be able to work. And I fear what will become of me - as pathetic and selfish as this may sound - when my parents aren't around anymore. I don't want to live off of the kindness of strangers or my friends. But there's nothing I can do to reasonably support myself. I am a writer and amateur musician, and have contacted literary agents with manuscripts and what not, so there is some hope there. But I recognize that it is a long shot.
The obsessive aspects and the lack of empathy aren't the real issues in my case (though there is some of that.) If anything I have too much empathy. I care deeply about other people's suffering. I try to do what I consider to be good when and how I can and I cannot tolerate someone suffering. I feel like I HAVE to try to help in some way. That's another time when my anxiety seems to evaporate. But only briefly.
Just goes to show it's called a spectrum disorder for a reason. It can take myriad forms.
Best wishes to anyone with this condition. Don't let anyone tell you you aren't a good person or are different. We're all human beings with the same basic fears, desires, and needs. However we process them.
Peace.
I relate to a lot of this, Ben. It can really be so difficult. I'm extremely intelligent, one of those people who has been disliked because of it. I have now been fired from 2 really good jobs because I "don't fit in" even though I was one of the hardest workers and it's pretty much killed my self esteem. I am freelancing from home right now and yes, thinking about the future is concerning. No healthcare is concerning. Hopefully that will be changing soon. Your concerns are only pathetic and selfish to people who don't understand what it's like to have to live this way.
Ben, you sound so much like myself. I am a stay at home mom, so, yes, I am very different in that respect. However, I can identify with almost everything you said. It does feel like a mental prison. And I worry that I can't hold a job because the social interactions become so draining. When I am tired, stressed, or surprised by a social situation, I fumble a lot and feel incredibly awkward. Then my brain just shuts down. The only way I can recover is if I come home and immerse myself in either watching TV or playing on the computer. I know that people avoid me because of my social awkwardness.
I have not been diagnosed with Aspergers, but have come to realize that I most likely have it. Though, without the ability to do anything about it, the realization is not helping me right now.
I am in therapy right now, but my therapist does not understand. She says that I am very capable, but waste time bouncing things around in my head. She doesn't offer a solution, but says I need to stop doing it. I don't know how. I am so afraid of making a mistake, that I research my options endlessly, yet still become frozen and unable to decide on a course. It usually isn't until I am forced to make a decision that I will finally just choose something, but then I am always unhappy with the results. So that just confirms that I need to carefully consider my options before I make a choice. And I just go around and around like that. I spend so much time being filled with anxiety.
I relate to both of you guys so much and I really, really appreciate you sharing your mutual experiences with me and everyone here.
The psychologist telling you to "just stop doing that" is very typical, too. If any therapy were to be of any benefit, I'd have to imagine it would be cognitive behavioral. But that hasn't helped me either. (Cognitive behavioral therapy is a fancy term for gradual desensitization.) But it doesn't work for everyone.
People need to realize that this is a neurological, physiological issue more than a psychological one for some of us. For those of us in that boat, just willing it away through practice and effort is next to impossible, if not entirely impossible.
Lovely,
The bouncing things around in your head and being unable to make a decision until you are forced to just choose one, sounds an awful lot like depression. I have been there and know it well. I'm not discounting that you may have Asperger's also but you might look into the possibility of depression as well. Good luck to you! I have a 16 year old son with Asperger's. I could definitely see it being genetic from my side of the family. I am really enjoying reading all the comments and getting some really great insight on things.
Ben,
I hope it rains a LOT where you live. Seems like Seattle would be great for you. I totally understand your concern about when your parents are no longer with you. I have those concerns for my son as well although I am truly hoping he will acquire the skills to lead a "normal" life. I want him to find someone to love who will love him back and to be able to hold down a good job, etc. I hope and pray your writing will pay off for you in a big financial way!!
Tammy
I can share in that frustration that he & especially his wife are describing because I have AS myself & wasn't diagnosed until my early to mid 30's just five years ago & after I'd gotten the diagnosis alot of the social challenges I'd been experiencing most of my life became a bit easier to understand & cope with....of course some days are harder than others but I have improved greatly since first getting a diagnosis in the summer of 2007.
Dual Diagnosis is difficult and best left to those that are practiced at it.
The article screams OCD, but there is much that can be dual ... I hope they get the proper diagnosis so they can get the proper help, medication and social training.
I am very OCD, but my peers all thing I am just thorough and buttoned up ... so it works for me as long as I don't wash my grapes individually in the lunch room :)
I am the same, and this seems like an OCD diagnosis waiting to happen. As for me, I took up Computer Science, a perfect field for me since I can spend my time diving into tech issues and troubleshooting other people's problems. I'm considered the smart guy you leave alone.
As I wrote earlier, treat this guy for OCD and then see if he still has "Aspergers".
So.
What about the more predominant Sickle Cell Anemia ?
Where are those stories ?
The U.S. doesn't care about that.
It's not a "cool" diagnosis.
Find a celebrity that has it and you'll get some interest....maybe.
There is a blood test for SCA and medical and pharmacutical treatment for that condition. There is research into this and has been for decades
There is no blood test for aspergers, no medical or pharmacutical treatment for it and no known cause. Research for ASD has only just begun in the last 10 years.
Take your gripes to a SCA forum.
I have two sons with varying degrees of Autism and a husband who is maybe not technically Asperger, but who has plenty of the tendencies. My husband took an online test and scored a 24 when 29 where needed for a possibility of Asperger's. So that helps me understand why he is so averse to many social situations.
Honestly, though that test is a good indicator and starting point, I don't think it catches all aspies. Yes, all aspies will probably beat the 15 point average, but some of us behave and think more stereotypically than others......I think I scored somewhere between "normal" and "Asperger's" when I took it but I AM an aspie. My behaviors are just more withdrawal than agitation and I am less socially stunted than I used to be.
I would like to know if anyone has had a family member exhibit "Selective Mutism". I am putting things together - trying to find out what is 'wrong' with a family member. Sorry to put it that way, but it is the feeling that keeps popping up.
She's way hot... why she settled for this dude is a giant mystery.
Eww
My husband, who is now 60, has a classic case of aspergers syndrome. We will be married for 25 years next month and I can tell you, it has been extremely difficult. I didn't know this existed until several years ago. Prior to that discovery, I read self-help books and tried to fix myself. He has no interest in adjusting his behavior. I have led a very lonely married life, no communication, no emotions, endless depression on his part. No changes can be made in anything. I've been a trouper, but I'm about done.
I can't tell you to hang in there or not, but I can tell you that the person you love is in there somewhere. Whether he has Aspergers or OCD or something else is hard to say. Question, does he like certain activities that you aren't a big fan of? Have you joined him in those activities? When a person is that way, they get absorbed by the things that come to mind. Someone joining them in their particular mood can work wonders.
Signed, the husband in a marriage where I'm sure my wife is ready to write the same thing you just did.
I love this article so much. I want lots of news articles like this. I think they make the world a better place. Lovely story, lovely couple, lots to offer and teach us all.
Definitely a misdiagnosis! One does not get through 30 years of life with Asperger's on their own. One of the 3 required social defecits for ASD in the new DSM states, "Deficits in developing and maintaining relationships". One does not date and find a mate that thinks one suitable for marriage if on the spectrum without intensive prior intervention. Not to mention that he was able to get through college, get and hold a job, possibly live independently before marrying, etc. There are many other diagnoses that would be more suitable. My son has Asperger's, is going to an intensive theraputic school, and we do a lot of therapies outside school and at home. He did not cope at all with any aspect of mainstream education. He cannot cope in our world. The deficits associated with Asperger's are extensive (it is a pervasive developmental disorder, after all!), and not limited to one or two areas of impairment. All these misdiagnoses, self-diagnoses, and statements that some high achievers have Aspergers (though never diagnosed) just give parents with newly diagnosed kids a false sense of hope, and a lack of motivation to execute immediate, intensive therapy. We think, "He just needs some speech and social skills training and he'll be fine". When my son was first diagnosed, I thought my dad has it too, since I saw some of the traits in him - very similar traits to the man highlighted here. Now I know that he has traits but is not on the specturm, as he has been able to develop coping mechanisms on his own, hold a job, maintain a home, have kids, and otherwise do what people do in order to live independently. Incidentally, my husband and I are both engineers. We may not be the most socially astute people, but knowing what I know, I have never met a WORKING engineer that appeared to have Asperger's. OK, we do not work in computer science where some more quirky engineers go - but the working world is full of landmines that would be very difficult for an aspie to navigate, even with intervention. The unemployment rate for Aspies is 80%, and many of the remaining ones are underemployed.
Wow, that was a long message! I'd best get going - need to keep on my son's home therapies and keep on our evening schedule!
There are definately different degrees and types of success for anyone with these kinds of difficulties. I'm a self-diagnosed aspie and have been in some short relationships but never been close to being married. My ex-boyfriend is a diagnosed aspie and was married for a year then divorced before we got together (She was only his second relationship, but still he did go that far which says something). When I first met him,though he gave off a kind of wide eyed innocent impression that would make one think he'd never dated at all.
My ex does have issues with employment, though..part of what broke us up was me feeling like I had to motivate him daily to even look for work, which felt like too much work for me..he just doesn't seem as self motivated as he should be.
I on the other hand have 2 bachelor's degrees and a masters (always felt at home when in a school of some sort) and have held 2 jobs since 2001. I've been a materials engineer and am now a nurse shift supervisor. I did have issues with a boss about a year ago..we started a new policy suddenly and I questioned how it was being done and basically had a meltdown talking about the different scenarios that might happen. She wrote me up for having "poor communication skills". I still have the job though.
Yes many with Aspergers can and do make it to adulthood UNDIAGNOSED. especially as it was only recognized as a valid diagnosis in 1993.
there are many different levels of ability on the spectrum and you as an ASD parent should KNOW that. Awareness, understanding and acceptance start within our community.
And if your son was diagnosed with Aspergers and NOT high functioning autism and needs speech therapy I would ask your doctor about his qualifications for the diagnosis. The one big difference between Aspergers and HF Autism is the LACK of speech deficits. Trust me I have one chilf with each condition.
Those with Aspergers do not need speech therapy. Those with Autism DO.
that wife is pretty hot. id cure my asburgers real quick for that!
Bean@home hit it right on the head. There are so many people walking around with Asperger's that don't know they have it. It has only been given a name within the last 30 years, or so. So many adults have it that just don't know because they were just always thought of as "odd". Thank Goodness that lately children with this syndrome are diagnosed!