By Marianne O'Donnell
Rock Center
The family of a Rutgers University student who killed himself after discovering his roommate, Dharun Ravi, had spied on him is speaking out for the first time since Ravi’s conviction of hate crimes earlier this year.
Tyler Clementi’s parents, Jane and Joe Clementi, and his older brother James told Rock Center exclusively that Tyler was struggling with many issues before his death. But they believe Ravi’s decision to spy on Tyler during a sexual encounter with another man in his dorm room played a role in the suicide. They also say they have changed their views on homosexuality in the wake of their son’s death.
‘Whatever underlying depressions or pains that were going on with [Tyler], that was straw that broke the camel’s back and that was the thing that pushed him to the breaking point,” James Clementi told NBC’s Lester Holt in an interview broadcast Thursday on Rock Center.
Tyler Clementi, 18, had just begun his freshman year at Rutgers University’s Busch Campus in September 2010 when he asked Ravi, 20, if he could have their room for the evening. Ravi says he later went to a dorm mate’s room and remotely activated a computer webcam. Ravi says the webcam briefly streamed live video of Clementi in an embrace with his date.
Ravi then tweeted the following: “Roommate asked for the room till midnight. I went into molly’s room and turned on my webcam. I saw him making out with a dude. Yay.”
Clementi later told a dorm advisor that he had read that tweet, and another by Ravi that indicated he planned to spy on Clementi and his date again. A day later Clementi committed suicide.
“I think it was – it was the humiliation that his roommates and his dorm mates were watching him in a very intimate act and that they were laughing behind his back,” said Jane Clementi. “The last thing that Tyler looked at before he left the dorm room for the bridge was the Twitter page, where Ravi was announcing Tyler's activities.”
The Clementis have remained largely silent about Ravi’s actions since he was named in a 15-count indictment last year that included invasion of privacy and hate crimes. He was not charged in connection with their son’s death. A jury later found Ravi guilty on all counts, putting him at risk of years in prison. Instead, Ravi was sentenced to just 30 days in jail, 300 hours of community service and three years of probation. The Middlesex County Prosecutor’s Office, which tried the case, is appealing the sentence.
Last week, Ravi walked out of a county jail after having served just 20 days. To the Clementis, the punishment was far too lenient.
“I think the judge sent a clear message to other prosecutors,” said Jane Clementi. “This isn't worthwhile. There are no consequences for these actions.”
But the Clementis also say they realize their son was wrestling with demons unrelated to the spying incident. Just weeks before he left home to attend Rutgers he told his mother he was gay. She says the news “shocked” her, in part because of her strong Christian faith. Since then she says she’s gone from “point A” in her beliefs “to point B.”
“Was that point A, the point of "homosexuality is a sin?" asked Holt.
“Well, yes,” Mrs. Clementi answered. “And of trying to just accept it.”
She said she also realizes that Tyler may have misread her reaction during their conversation. He later texted a friend that his mother had rejected him after he came out to her.
“It just was like a dagger,” Mrs. Clementi said. “And that took me a long time to process. Because I did not think I had rejected him.”
Now, Jane Clementi says she and her family are trying to help gay teens win greater acceptance through the foundation they’ve started in Tyler’s honor. Clementi’s parents say they hope The Tyler Clementi Foundation will discourage cyber bullying and the notion that they themselves once held that homosexuality is a sin.
“Sin needs to be taken out of homosexuality,” said Joe Clementi. “Our children need to understand – and adults need to understand – that they're not broken.”
Rock Center's Carlo Dellaverson contributed to this report.
Leave a Comment:
for although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools. and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal man and birds and animals and repitiles. therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator who is forever praised. Amen. Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another, men committed indecent acts with other men and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion. Romans 1:21-27
You know, I think of "taking the Lord's name in vain" not as cursing, but as claiming that you speak for the Lord when you speak your own ideas. Clearly we are witnessing a case in which some lone person believes he speaks for God. It's sad.
This is God's Word. The Holy Bible. These are God's Words. Not mine. Its sad when a person like you believe in lies from satan. Thinking that way. Sorry you think this way.
I believe in 30+ years of studying the Bible. If you haven't bothered to acquire the skills and knowledge necessary to study the Bible, what does that say about how important that book is to you??
That came from God's Word. THe Bible. Look up Romans 1:21-27. I did not come up with that. I read The Holy Bible. I study God's Word. I am 38 and been saved sinse I was 15 years old. What Book are you studying? Because by the way you talk. Its not the true Word of God. And its not The Holy Bible. Praying for you. What I wrote is God's Word from the Bible. Jesus is my LOrd and soon Coming King. I live for Jesus. Who is to be praised.
Godsc: I'm not sure what your point is here. I studied the same Bible that you did; it isn't like they print one for churches and a different one for colleges. Your posts are de-rails as they are not related to the topic of the thread.
Are you so deluded with vanity as to think there's anyone reading these posts who doesn't agree with your peculiar views of the Bible simply because he or she hasn't heart you in particular tell him that Jesus loves him?????
You have such poor writing skills that your posts are more likely to turn readers off than to convert them.
1 Peter 2:10-12 For whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech. He must turn from evil and do good; he must seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.
Says who? Did you get a receipt? A personally signed copy....?
What makes that any more valid than any other nonsensical claim?
No such thing as satan either.
There, fixed it for you.
"The God Delusion." What a thumping good read!
Why anyone would subject themselves to indentured servitude is beyond me.
Scripture trolling only shows you have nothing left of value or relevance to contribute.
Grow up!
You first!
What are you in middle school? Immuture
So now you've reduced yourself to playing "I know you are, but what am I?" How pathetic!
LOL! YOu are crazy
Thanks, we'd figured that out already. (sigh)
You talk silly. LOL!
Gay is a sin! God created man and woman to be together, not the same sex. Love the person, but hate their sinful lifestlye. His parents should have told him that they still love him, but don't accept the way he is living. Don't agree with homosexuality, for it is a sin.
Then why does she keep making gay people at all?
That's nice. Prove it!
Not everyone is guillable enough to buy into your fairy tale concept of sin.
God don't make gays. Its a sin a person decide to do.
Read the Holy bible, thats your proof.
You confuse behavior with orientation.
Circular logic. Try again!
God's love is meteoric,his loyalty astronomic, his purpose titanic,his verdicts oceanic,yet in his largeness nothing gets lost.
No I am not confused, just telling the truth.
Only in your mind. too bad you don't have any facts to back up your "truth."
The Flying Spagheti Monster is better!
LOL! You talk crazy. You are so funny
I have NEVER met a gay person who had ANY choice in the matter. Do YOU choose what arouses you? When did you consciously choose to have your body become physically aroused by a member of the opposite sex? You NEVER did, it just works that way. Now, imagine if your body became aroused by a member of the SAME sex. This isn't a choice, this is a response to physical stimuli. Do you choose to say OUCH when poked with a pin? Do you choose to hold your breath when held under water? Do you choose to grow red/blond/brown hair? Do you choose to be over 6' tall? Do you choose to begin balding at age 30?
You completely misunderstand the situation, yet you try to apply your archaic rules to your misunderstood reality. Or is it that you are you applying your misunderstood archaic rules to reality? Either way, you are totally wrong.
No you're not. If you think homosexuality is a choice you are either incredibly misinformed, totally ignorant, or BOTH.
Ramen!
People are not born gay, it is a sexual sin they decide to choose and act on. Just like any other sins, they choose to sin. For they love the sinful nature of this world. Satan fools alot of people into sinning, makeing them think its ok to sin and some people believe in satans lies.. For all sins come from satan.
LOL. There are alot on here that are ignorant. When It comes to knowing the truth of whats a sin and not a sin.
What evidence do you have for this claim? This is completely opposite of everything I have ever seen or heard.
PS - The bible is NOT evidence.
From what I've seen, he fools a lot of people into thinking they are defending their religion, when all they are actually doing is making fools of themselves and others.
What God says is sin, it is a sin. I don't know weather to LOL or cry. You are funny.
There is one statement that Tyler Clementi's Father said (in this compelling interview) that really grabbed my attention! "We've got to understand that these children are not broken!" This really blew my mind because the whole theme of my new book says exactly the same thing. As a matter my new book is actually called: THEY SAY THAT I AM BROKEN. The ebook is available now on my website and the printed copies will be out by August 2012.
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=333974106684231&set=a.252159878198988.59947.252156791532630&type=1&theater¬if_t=like#!/photo.php?fbid=333974106684231&set=a.252159878198988.59947.252156791532630&type=1&theater
Some people on here talk really crazy. LOL!
Love the person, but hate the sin. Homosexuality is a sexual sin in the eyes of God.
Love the believer, but hate the belief. Fundamentalism (in all its guises) is responsible for horrid violence and hate and suffering.
Look sin is sin. What God says is a sin, is a sin. NO matter how you put it or say it. It don't change the fact that its a sin.
This world will only get worse. Until Jesus comes back, things here on earth will never get better. Satan has alot of people fooled, when it comes to sins. Blinding them from the truth of sins. Makeing them think its ok and nothing is wrong with it. Also satan is trying to push sins into people lives, makeing sins look good, when they are wrong and not good at all. All sins will only enter hell. Thats why people need to repent of their sins and ask Jesus to forgive them. Also turn their sinful lives around and to sin no more. Before its to late for them. For at the end of life we all will stand alone before Jesus to be judged. If your name is written in the Book of Life, you will enter heaven. If its not, then Jesus will say leave from me, for I never knew you. I can't save everyone or make anyone accept Jesus. I can only share God's Word and pray for the lost, the rest is up to that person were they repent and accept Jesus into their hearts. I can't save anyone, but Jesus can save. There are alot of sins in this world, gay is just one of the sexual sins. Gays don't like it for them to be told its a sin, because they want people to accept the sin and say its ok. But its not ok and we can't accept sin. For sin is sin, no matter how you put it, it will never change the fact that it is sin. Gay is just one of the sins in this world. I don't say it is a sin, God said it is a sin.
And Satan prevents them from knowing how to spell "making" too!!!!
LOL! You talk so silly. Don't know were to LOL or cry. LOL!
Why are you worried how I type. LOL!
I stand up for what is right in God's eyes. I live for Jesus Christ, for He is my God. God tells you what is a sin in His Word. What His Word says is a sin, it is a sin. I don't take away from God's Word and I don't add anything to it. God's Word never changes. People get all upset and start talking foolish. When Someone tells them what they are doing is a sin. they don't want to hear that they are doing wrong, for they love the sin too much to let go. They get all upset with you, for they know its a sin and wrong. But they don't really want to admit it. They just over look the sin and try everything they can to make is sound right. When no matter how they try to put it or say it. It will always be a sin.
I agree that the sentencing was an outrage. Unfortunately there was a larger outrage that was not discussed. The victim's brother put it best "his roommate was the straw that broke the camels back." There were thousands of straws on that camels back placed there by the church and the report focused soley on his despicable roommate. In my opinion the church and their narrow minded, self serving, archaic, and reprehensible belief system regarding this issue (and many others) was the root cause of this young man's self esteem issues. To be very clear, I am personally outraged at the judges sentencing decision; I just feel that this report left a lot on the table.
so, a gay "man" at rutgers was recorded by a hidden camera as he was kissing another masculivoid while alone in a dorm room. it gets onto the internet and he kills himself because - because why? because he was ashamed of being a masculivoid? because he was ashamed that his own masculine presence left him feeling a need for another man in his life? the activists who sentenced his roommate to prison for hiding the camera are making the dead masculine insufficiency out to be a victim to feel pity for - this is not right because the same activists made it a crime for any masculivoid to go to a therapist for help to overcome an emotional desire for masculinity.
in other words, maybe it is the fault of gay activists that this rutgers masculivoid is dead. apparently, the dead homosexual didn't think it was "okay to be gay," maybe he wanted a therapist to help him internalize masculine gender-identity while his inability to find one kept him looking at men like a kid looks through the windows of a candy store. if someone doesn't think it's "okay to be gay" and he eventually kills himself because no therapist will help him to grow up and grow out of his outside-looking-in type of gender-disorientation...his death is the fault of the activists who predominately banished the therapy that helps one become well-oriented and in-touch with one's own gender. i'm actually surprised that gay activists didn't think it was anti-gay for nate, mike, shawn and wan to call themselves "boyz ii men," simply because of the self-realization (penis-realization) implied in a boy reaching manhood.
the rutgers masculivoid obviously had a problem with his own curiosity of the masculine gender. maybe feeling incomplete without another man in his life made him feel that he wasn't man enough, maybe he wanted people to think that he loved and respected himself as a man - maybe he jumped from the bridge because gay activists were forcing him to live a life that he didn't want and that he didn't agree with.
gay activists may be to blame for the dead homosexual. all people are not like chastity bono, some people actually take themselves and their genders seriously enough to overcome gender-issues by changing their minds through therapy rather than by changing their genders through surgery. the person who killed the gay "man" at rutgers is also dead and nobody can send him to prison. sending the roommate to prison for playing a college prank on a self-piteous, insecure and unstable drama-queen is just wrong...but what a curtain-call that drama-queen gave.
wasn't it mrs. clinton who said "I can't be responsible for every undercapitalized entrepreneur in America," as a response to charges that her plan would bankrupt businesses and cut employment?
every person can't be responsible for the actions of every unstable drama-queen they come in contact with. or maybe they can be...maybe if i killed myself and wrote "i can't live if i have to pay for abortion" as a suicide note, the "white house-negro" would now be in jail for causing my death.
dylan terreri, i
www.masculivoids.com
"When I'm hungry, I eat. When I'm thirsty, I drink. When I feel like saying something, I say it." - Madonna
www.jaggedlittledyl.com/essays
This tragedy has become a teaching moment.
It should not be so much about blame.
Parents naturally want the best for their children. When brought up with fundamentalist literal views of homosexuality as sinful how should parents react when their children are attracted to the same sex?
1-They should take a deep breath and hold their tongue until they are composed.
2-They must realize that these attractions are not ever going to change.
3-They must remember how much they love their children.
4-They must communicate that they will always love their children.
5-They must allow their children the space to interpret for themselves what their futures may look like.
.